2011: Happy New Year!!

As we grow old, New Year becomes just another day.

When I was a kid I used to think... why aren't Maa n' Papa excited about the New Year? Why don't they go out and celebrate? Why do they stay back at home as if it was a no big deal? After all, it used to be such a BIG deal for us kids.

But this year I did the same... stayed back at home. No parties. No outings. And we didn't even know it was a brand new year before we were fifteen minutes into 2011.

Looks like my priorities have changed... and I hope they have changed for good. Ushering in a new year 2011... Three Cheers for the year gone by!!

तू राजा की राजदुलारी मैं सिर्फ लंगोटे वाळा सूं

If someone said "Friends are necessary in life", I could never agree more with him. On a Saturday night binge with some of my oldest friends, in the alcohol induced haze, one of my friends put this song on.

I was like "Damn!! How did I manage to miss this song for so long".

This song is a revelation. This is the story of all the guys like me who somehow have managed to get a great gal in their life.

If you have seen the movie, Oye lucky, Lucky Oye, then you must remember this song. If you do not, then just go and download it from somewhere and listen to it at once. And this is specially meant for all the bloody smokers, dopers and bingers out there.

For the record, this is a ragini, a form of folksong very popular in Haryana. This song describes Lord Shiva warning Parvati about the unpleasant circumstances if She marries Him.

I am posting the approximate meaning of the song for the lazy/unlucky ones who couldn't listen to the song.

तू राजा की राज-दुलारी, मैं सिर्फ लंगोटे वाला सूं
भांग रगड़ के पिया करूं मैं, उंडी - सोटे वाला सूं

Sweetheart you are the darling of a rich Dad, I am a guy without money even for my clothes
To hide from my poverty, I drink loads of cannabis.

तू राजा की छोरी सै, मेरे एक भी दासी दोस्त नहीं
शाल दुशाले ओढ़न वाली, म्हारे कम्बल तक भी पास नहीं...

You are a princess, I have never ever had any servant or friend
Designer labels are what you wear, I don't even have a blanket on me.


तू बागां की कोयल सै अढे बर्फ पड़े, हरी घास नहीं
किस तरयाँ दिल लागेगा तेरा, सतरा चौ प्रकाश नहीं

You have always seen gardens in your life, I have never ever seen grass... it always snows here
Dunno how you will live here, light also is a scarcity here

किसी साहूकार के ब्याह करवाले, मैं खाली सोटे वाला सूं.

Please go and marry some rich i-banking dude, I have nothing on me to give you

मैं धूनी तपा करूँ, तू आग देख के डर जायगी,
रंग घोल के पिया करूं, मेरा राग देख के डर जायगी

I am not that easy to handle, my mood swings are a plenty
You will be scared to death if you start seeing me from close

सौ सौ साल पड़े रहे जल में, तू नाग देख के डर जाएगी.
तांडव नाच करे बन में, रंग राग देख के डर जायगी

I have snakes for pets, I dunno how you will deal with that
Tandava is my passion, and you will be devastated to see me dance.

तने जुल्फां वाला छोरा चाहिए,
मैं लाम्बे चोटे वाला सूं.

You need a Prince Charming, with metro-sexual grooming
I am just a simple guy who thinks twice before even going in for a hair cut.


Hope you liked the translation (I have put in a lot of effort :))!!

What does it mean to be a Bihari?

Few days ago, I watched a special report by a leading news channel : What does it mean to be a Bihari?

I was amazed.

Does being Bihari mean anything different than being a human? Are we any different from people living in Kerala or Delhi? Are we really a different species altogether?

Well in a sense we are. It took us more than 20 years to decide that having food on our plates is much more important than whether we are a Yadav or a Rajput. May be we would have never learnt this fact.

80 million odd people have faced the brunt of the worst governance seen in the recent history for two long decades. The populace was bullied into believing that being a specific caste or religion meant we need to elect a representative who had a one-point agenda : Loot the people and bully them even further. In a sense, we Biharis had become insensitive to the fact that there is something called law and order. All this due to the greed of one man : Laloo Prasad Yadav. Never before in history has so big a populace been fooled for so long by one man.

Most of these have changed now. Nitish Kumar has brought some semblance of law and order in the state. The goondas of Laalooraj are now cooling their heels in jails. Roads and bridges have been built. Employment opportunities have been created. SMB are now encouraged. Industries being welcomed with open hands.

I am still a bit cynical about the fact that Bihar has seen a turn around. But I sincerely hope that the pot-bellied civil engineer Chief Minister champions the cause of Biharis.

All we Biharis dream of the day when we would be able to go back to our homeland and earn two decent meals honestly. I for one would definitely love to go back !!

Living your dreams

How many times have you read a book and felt that the bugger is almost living your dream?

Last weekend I read "Don't ask any old bloke for directions", and I felt the same. A 200 odd pages full of what I have always dreamt of doing. In fact I am so impressed by the book that I am contemplating the same sometime next year.

This book is by an IAS officer who gave up his cozy job, something which he had anyways hated for 20 long years. Fed up with being "a round peg in a square hole", while in the service, he decided to go out and seek his round hole. He gave up his job. Bought a Thunderbird. Packed up two tees and a jeans in his backpack and left on a 25ooo Km journey across India spanning over some nine months. Without any prior plans and preparation.

On the road he met a lot of characters, shared meals with them and slept alone on his bed. He payed off his karmic debt to a lot of them. In the meanwhile he found his tamzi with the world

As a travelogue this book lacks a lot of details. As a philosophical guide, it doesn't score well too. As a satire, it tickles you and makes you think. About a lot of things. It is like the personal diary of a man who thinks about a lot of stuff. And to ride with this man is one thoroughly enjoyable ride, only you have to keep your mind open.

I would have loved to share a drink with this guy, had he not gone on a longer journey. RIP, P G Tenzing!

I would recommend this book to anyone who cares for my advice.

On a totally unrelated topic, I am now a proud donor of blood platelets. One bugger less now to pay off my karmic debt. Here is one to the dengue viruses! Hear, Hear!!

These are exciting times... In India.

There was a teacher in my primary school. She used to tell me something which makes me remember her everyday.

"Always remember that you are living in very exciting times."

I also remember her for her perfect beauty. Wanted to marry her when I grew up, but that's another story altogether.

Coming back to the exciting times, last few weeks have been quite "exciting". Sample a few of the exciting news of the recent times:

Pakistan was termed Pornistan: An ultimate triumph for the 170 million Pakistanis. They finally have something to boast about. Discounting the fact that they already had the proud distinction of being the beggar bowl of the world. And also the terror capital of the world. But being termed Pornistan is something no one can take away from them.

This one was a real killer for the dreams of all us Indians though. Damn!! all the hours spent in front of the PC uploading and downloading all the Riya Sen's and Soha Ali khan's MMSes gone in vain. Such is life. You have to take the titles as they come. We will have ours one day too.

Delhi Commonwealth Games: We Indians love pan masala. We love to spit guthka on the corners in staircases. We love to urinate in public. Going by our hygiene standards, stray dogs soiling our beds are no big deal. We live in buildings where basements are waterlogged and the walls have seepage. These are some points of enlightenment I got from the electronic media in the last few days. Now I feel like the Budhdha of Indian etiquette.

The media is having a field day last couple of weeks on the cost of a few thousand crores of rupees of the tax payers' hard earned money. The TRP is soaring as all we Indians (with our balls missing) are glued to the TV sets. Almost willing the Games to be a disaster. We Indians love melancholy. Another point in my kitty of knowledge about Indians.

Amidst all these shouts of down with the games and jail the jokers of the OC (Kalmadi, Bhanot, et all), however, none of them care about the fact they are the ones who will foot the multi-crore bill. But that's normal in a "Monsoon Wedding", isn't it?

Forth coming Ayodhya verdict : One news that has not got its due in all this fan fare about the Games is Ayodhya verdict. Something which was built 5 centuries ago over something which was supposedly built some 10 centuries ago has caused a loss of some 2000 people already. And now its threatening to take some more lives.

What baffles me is that even after some 5000 years of the so called civilization, we Indians still care so much more for bricks, mortar and pieces of land than human lives. And then we say that being territorial is a thing common to animals. Hypocrisy or should I say primal instincts.

Train Accidents in India : I always thought Bengalis were an intelligent race. If you witness the quantities of fish they consume, you would think the same. How come such a mobilized and intelligentsia populace can't see through Mamta Bannerjee is something I would never understand!

Maybe she is the Laloo of Bengal. We Biharis always have loved him. We acknowledge the fact that he had sucked the life out of Bihar. But he is still affable coz he wears a ganji-dhoti and gamcha. And he eats sattu. And he speaks like a buffoon, supposedly like the way we all Biharis do.

Anyways, both of them have something else in common apart from the uncalled for and undeserved adulation from the populace. Both have led the railways and both have some achievements there. Laloo, questionably, brought back life into railways and Mamta is taking lives with the Railways. Mamta is too busy trying to realize her dreams of becoming the Bengal CM. And with her rising popularity in Bengal the number of railway accidents are also going up. After every accident, there is a stock comment from Didi:

"We will pay 50K for all those who are maimed and rendered useless for their life. We will pay 1 L for the ones killed. BTW this was a conspiracy of the CPM to malign my image in Bengal and I will not let them break my dreams of becoming the CM. I have done so much for the Bengalis. I have fought for Nandigram. I have fought for the Kolkatans. I.... I... I..."

Nothing about the reforms in railways to stop such accidents. None. Zilch.

But we Indians, being ball-less that we are, have learned to live with such impotent politicians.

Anyways, there are so many other stories to share about the exciting times. Can't waste all my talent in describing an ugly woman in a dirty saree, can I? Will come back with some more news from the exciting times I live in next time.